I wanted to update you guys as to why I’ve been kind of missing and not really posting anything lately. I’ve been dealing with some things that, while not your business and I in no way owe you an explanation, I wanted to tell you and get off my chest. Not that most of you care ANYWAY, but I’m going to do it because this is my blog and I want to. Because I owe myself that much, to just let it all out.
Around the time of my birthday Joey decided it was definitely, finally over. I’ve been dealing with that for the last couple months, nothing has been helping me in making me feel better. I joined a dating site and so far, absolutely nothing on there has made me want to find somebody new. The last few weeks have been ok. I haven’t cried. I haven’t even gotten upset about it. A few weeks before that he unblocked me on Facebook, I messaged him asking why, and he responded that he wanted to still keeps tabs on me and talk to me. Oh hell to the no. So I’ve gone off on him a couple of times about it to no avail. I don’t care. I’m just numb at this point.
Ozzie passed away. We had our bubba-cat into the vet to be put down, because he’d gotten to the point where his quality of life wasn’t what it should have been or what he deserved. After several days and much discussion with our vet, we decided to have in treated in hopes that the treatment, for severe, severe diabetes, would cause him to bounce back a little to the point that he would live for another few years. A thousand dollars later and we got a call from the vet February 22 that our boy had passed away sometime during the night and they found him when they came in the that morning. I lost one of my children overnight. I am still the momma to 3 beautiful, amazing cats (and 2 dogs and 2 rabbits). But Ozzie had been with us the longest. I still go upstairs every single night and expect to hear him crying from my dad’s room, even all this time later.
My sister and sister in law got in a horrendous fight that caused my sister and niece to get kicked out of the house and wound up having my sister press charges against my SIL for assault and get a restraining order against her. Since then, there has been A LOT of tension and stuff in my family, so much so that I don’t really want to spend much time with any of them. My sister has since dropped the charges and the restraining order, but it hasn’t made a lick of difference. My SIL and brother are dead set against anything pertaining to my sister. We can’t even have them both over at the same time for anything, including dyeing Easter eggs with the babies like we did last year or for Easter dinner.
My sister has been in and out of the hospital since about the third week of March. She was involuntarily admitted for treatment of her BPD, PTSD, depression, and anxiety by her psychiatrist and since then has either been involuntarily or voluntarily committed to an assortment of rehab centers (for her pill and alcohol addiction) for treatment of the whole thing. She’s out right now. It’s been extremely hard on me, especially, because I am there for my sister A LOT and help her out A LOT. And because I’m especially close to my niece, and seeing the way this all affects a 3 year old is just heartbreaking. It’s also deeply affecting my father because a lot of it stems from deleterious rumors my mother perpetuated with my sister for years that have my sister convinced my father did things that he never did. My mother has had physical (but not in any way legal) custody of my niece since my sister has been in the hospital and now that she’s out and not allowed to stay at the house. She won’t allow my niece to see my dad or anything. It’s disgusting and heartbreaking.
So, that’s what’s been going on with me. Most of the reason I haven’t been coming on here is because I’ve been avoiding the computer at most costs. My computer was my main form of communication with Joey, since our relationship was of the LDR variety. So, being off the computer is what I’ve needed to do to keep myself sane. Again, not that I owe anyone an explanation, but I wanted to get it off my chest and just let you guys know that I’m here, I’m surviving. I don’t know when I’ll really be back in full force, but for now, just understand why it’s like this.
I’m just trying to get some fucking food in my stomach before 9 so I can watch Game of Thrones and my bitch ass father is taking his sweet ass motherfucking time getting out of the house. I came downstairs half a fucking hour ago to go get food and he’s still not ready. And dickwads say it takes women forever to get ready to go out of the house. Fucking fuck.
Someone wake me up when this is over, because I’d rather not be conscious for it.